Twilight

Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin

We're all looking for something, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok

We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
[Me, You And My Medication Lyrics on
http://www.lyricsmania.com/]
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

"Me, You, and My Medication"
by Boys Like Girls

So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing

We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

-----------------

I'm killing this. Any of you who enjoy reading this, I'm moving to something better than this.

Under guise of twilight
Ruby Starlight sang a song in tongues understood
by no one but you and I,
"and that's okay," i thought..."just one more thing,"
I thought, "for you and i, for you and i."

A diamond's fire light beckoned our gaze
& we sat and dreamt while awake w/gods and men.

A dream or two,
a feast or three,
I just want one or none,
or all or some.
Who said-like you-
"these things will come in time?"
I need them to be or not at all,
and I'll wait for love of health and sanity.
I'll wait, Ruby, I'll wait.

River flow, pour out onto my soul
Drown me in salvation

So scared I come to you
Remembering the last time our breath had mixed
One thing is on my mind
I'm terrified my wish was granted

River flow, pour out onto my soul
Drown me in salvation

Why do they say those things
Not knowing what is true
Who gave them a voice
in the affairs of I and you

River flow, pour out onto my soul
Drown me in salvation

Torn apart by you
Paper thin, but going strong
Torn apart but
mended in slumber

I'll lay here to see you
Leaning into the pain
I'll lay here all night for you
Seeing you I'll gain

Cold and dark - the well -
Demons laugh, but I persist
Cold and bleak concrete
By fire, I resist

Whirlwind and angels war
Now I lay me down to sleep
Defend the young and poor
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray, Oh God, my soul you'll take

When heaven and hell fight over me
My heart gets ripped to shreds
The demoniac only needed love
but we gave him a pill

Eden's been raped
a child no more
In birthing she'll have pain
Did she consent or was she deceived?

Flesh and bone come alive
Blood and water mix and rise

Halo, light my way
It's dark tonight
The moon's away
But space is tight

Kill my nightmares
No more grieving
Heaven shake this
I'm believing

A friend they were
No more it's done
A love abandoned
or never knew

You're beautiful
Made like a sun sweet kiss
Will you join me where I'm going
To paint the scene together

I'm in a better place, Forgive a wrong
Start fresh in a new phase
It would be different, you and I
we wouldn't hurt each other,
we'd be unbreakable

Midnight calls me at the eleventh hours time
Looking over my shoulder,
church bell signals chime

Tomorrow seems so good when I run away from today
But it's not a practice run, I'm here to stay

Today, Today
It's all right here and now
Take me towards more of who I want to be

www.myspace.com/asonicscribble


go there, or be square



you'll be glad you did

and that's a fact. got back a few days ago from hillsdale. i didn't want to come home.

i've got new songs on the way:) i'll tell you when you can hear them. Here are the lyrics to a new one...

"A Reason to Breathe"

I'm not a prophet, I'm not a preacher
I'm not a salesman nor am I a teacher
Just trying to do the best I can
And I know it's not enough
Thank God for Grace,
I'm just a man

You give me drive, a reason to come home
A reason to fight, a reason to breathe
I'm left with good feelings
I want to take you with me
"Is this a dream?" she asked me
Not letting me go until the sun went down that night

Drive through the night
Traversed in the daytime hours
No money in hand but I had to get there someway
Maximized my moments, stepped out from my other world
I'd come home, in a way I had never left

-Josh Peterson (2007)

watched casino royale for the first time tonight. incredible.

visiting hillsdale in less than a week. super stoked.

march is almost over. out like a lamb.


Relient K/Mae/Sherwood concert this past Wednesday, late b-day present courtesy of little sis Lani - AMAZING SHOW!!


gave up Facebook for Lent.

the pursuit of happiness is an elusive boogeyman when one cannot sit in stillness and silence

i don't even know where to begin. but, i'm here. we're here.

in a way, i feel like i'm writing during the height of the storm, whatever said storm may be. it seems to early to make sense of something, like I should let things be, but as a writer, this is my way of letting the dust settle.

Aug: was struck with the fear of God, forced to come to terms with bipolar disorder diagnosis, decided to take year off of school, got kicked out of parents' house, lived w/close friends for a while until moved in with uncle and his family, no insurance, acrued quite a bit of personal debt, disowned by best friends, completely disoriented, went back to Hillsdale via MegaBus to say goodbyes, returned to MN w/one James Marvin by way of the Upper Peninsula, tried to start a band in early part of summer but it was clear that it fell apart, Laura

Sept: quit job at warehouse to take opportunity as Eniva distributor, enrolled in Bartending school, began work at the Stampede Steakhouse as Bartender, began training in MLM industry,
- do a tradeshow and get promoted to manager, tried to start second band and that fell through

Oct: insurance stuff finally got worked out, Brandon gave me his car that he didn't want, was training in Flake for TKD for a while until gas got too costly, worked a lot at steakhouse, continue to struggle at business, mend wounds w/stepdad (long story)

Nov: start second job at Express For Men Northtown, Steakhouse closes end of November, get promoted to Area Manager for Eniva, Thanksgiving, start sessions w/Josh (therapist)

Dec: try to find new bartending job, have first good Petrulo Family Christmas in a while, spend end of Dec in NY and MD w/Petersons (also a good visit)

Jan: turned 22, Express and Eniva, Rachel

Feb: Express, Eniva, put in more applications for jobs, song writing

March: in progress

I had a beautiful idea - I had a mesmorizing thought. She came and left me; she teased and taunted me, and now, no more will be experienced from this darling gem of not mine. The winter's snowfall shall cover this too.

I ride the crest of the wave like a metaphysical surfer, I verbally paint the evening's moonrise like Van Gogh with both ears. The evidence and substance of the unseen just a finger's width away again and again. Winter evening shall cover this too.

Provide, oh Providence, can't you see? And Jesus Christ where are you and were you mad like me? Science and religion kiss and love once again - for the holy fool requires some sense of you both this minute. I shall burn winter down for this too.

We watched our world burn down, we eagerly await the resurrection - Visionaries await their vindication, prophets and sages burning torches in dark nights. Soul, oh Soul!, I see you now - be calm and burn no more.

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007. James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner. </td> James Bond, Agent 007 92% Batman, the Dark Knight 92% Maximus 88% Neo, the "One" 83% Lara Croft 83% Indiana Jones 83% Captain Jack Sparrow 83% The Terminator 79% William Wallace 79% The Amazing Spider-Man 71% El Zorro 50% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

last night, my entire immediate family was under one roof again


even if only for a few hours, it was the best night i've had in a while.




i hope you all had one as good as mine:) i know you did, even if you don't.

happy thanksgiving


i'm a little late, but not in colorado, or california, or hawaii:)




i hope that you all were given another reason to be thankful








i love you all


God bless

this weekend was interesting. working with cute girls at express is fun. losing my keys and ipod in the second floor east guest bathroom at the MOA is not, and not finding out about such a misshap until 11pm after the mall has closed is also not fun.


i couldn't drive my car anywhere that night, so i called up mall security to tell them that i would need to keep my car there over night (otherwise they'd tow it) after about an hour of walking around the mall to see if i could find a police officer or mall security to help me locate my lost items. caught the hiawatha line at around 12:20am which brought me downtown to the metrodome where i then transfered to the 16 around 1:30am to get to cassie's apartment where i would be staying that night.

at the bus stop at the metrodome, talked to a few people, and watched a bum (who i'm not sure if he was drunk or not - he could have just been very extroverted) entertain a young couple and then five minutes before he left them alone started talking to them about Jesus. It was the most random thing I think I've seen in a while. when my bus came, I sat down next to an elderly woman who was as nice as could be. Very soft-spoken, she started giving plastic bags of food to people around her so that they could eat. Her and I conversed for a bit, but it was mainly her talking about Jesus, and the bible. A few times she asked me if I was attending college and what I was studying. She prayed over me, and shook my hand before I left, saying that she would be praying for me. I will never forget her, Mrs. Kendall Whitman she introduced herself as, because it seemed like she didn't have to be on that bus at almost 2 in the morning on a Saturday night. She just seemed out of place, like she placed herself there to be a comfort to the people on that bus - riding by herself, giving food and words of encouragment - that is her ministry it seems, and she is a a messenger of God - an angel, as is the bum I saw.

probably.

you have to understand that I was not in the best of mental or emotional states after a long day of working at both jobs and now in the middle of thing night having to travel the metroo transit system because somewhere in the fray i lost my keys.

stayed at cassie's apartment that night, went to bed at 3am and woke up at 9:30 to catch the bus and train back to the mall.

on the bus, there was a young lady carrying a huge black bible - she was either on her way to church or coming from it.

on the train, i was seated next to a young man who was reading teachings from the watchtower society's magazine - which, for those of you who don't know, is the publication circulated and read by jehova's witnesses.

the article talked about hope in God and how Jesus never gave up hope



nothing turned up at the mall when i got there, so i called uncle to tell him of my adventure and he offered to bring the set of keys. it was 11 am by now. i had to be at work at 1pm. after i spoke with him, i called up work to tell them that i would be late and then i bought myself brunch at subway. while i sat and ate my food, i wrote for a little bit, and the song "turn, turn, turn" came on over the radio. i laughed a little bit at the irony of the situation, but didn't want to hear it - my experiences of the past few years having led up to this moment didn't lend me to a favorable disposition at the time.


after a long day at work at express - and reuniting with an old friend -, i got back to my car and put the keys in. nothing happened, and i looked down to find that i had left my lights on the whole day. i laughed. after everything that happened, that's all i could do.

i called up uncle, who came and jumped my car for me and we all retired for the day.






in some way, i think God played a trick on me - so i could see some things outside of my aluminum cocoon (read "car") - and with my condition, i needed to see some things outside of myself to know that he still cared and was still there - yet, it is still not easy.


with the severity of my condition, i never know when exactly my mood is gonna be up or down, and i've been in a down cycle for a few months now and it just hurts. yet, it seems that the best thing to do is to take a healthy dose of the soul's medicine and laugh.

Please tell me, my saving grace, that you were more than voices in my head.
That our conversations were real when I lie awake in bed
at night and couldn't sleep at all.
Oh catch me, catch me in this moment, Lord, before I begin to fall

Again Into doubt and into fear
where I blend into walls, no one sees or hears
the things I have to say
or offer, with my hand a way
Like the girl I met the other night
Instead of love, I already forsee a bitter fight

Is that just me, is it all I know?
Or do I give up on food completely
after one night of food poisoning
when I joyfully anticipated Thanksgiving.
Oh, Providence, defy gravity for me this one time - please -
I don't want to go back down,
-no, not yet -
I haven't seen the sun yet.

today i decided to take a sabbath - this was the first day i hadn't had to work at either express or the mall in a while, and i refrained from business stuff too.

instead, i deposited my paychecks, relaxed at home, sorta cleaned my room, took a nap, finished reading a book on negotiating and wrote a few songs.


they say less is more - i had to hold myself back from doing much more than that - but i'll probably be better for it.